There’s a lot of things that spring to mind when I think about this topic, which makes it a pretty touch question to answer.
I don’t want to get too deep and emotional on here so I’ll go with something basic for now.
I miss my childhood.
Although I can’t remember much of it, I do recall the general feeling of being carefree and happy.
If only I could go back in time and just relive those moments and learn to appreciate them a bit more.
As the saying goes, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
When we get older we lose those seemingly childhood qualities and forget what it feels like to actually enjoy and love life.
In my 22 years on this planet, I seem to have many more regrets than years lived.
However my biggest regret has to be me not believing in myself & following my dreams.
From a young age I always wanted to act and that dream has never stopped following me up until this day. For me acting was somewhat of a therapy session. I was able to convey my other-wised bottled up emotions through another character, which helped me to channel my feelings into what could be regarded as a positive space.
I was so set on continuing my love for acting that I planned to study it at degree level. Unfortunately this plan was cut short. My parents never had the opportunity to go to university, so I was pretty much clueless on the whole process & had to figure out a lot of things by myself. This is where everything went down hill.
I started to seek out advice and opinions from others who had gone to University. All of whom told me the same thing; “Don’t study drama, you cant do anything aside from being a drama teacher… it limits your options”. I was told to do something of more “substance”. So my indecisiveness kicked in & I jumped from Fashion buying and merchandising to International relations and business studies. It was literally a couple of days before my application was due that I settled on Business management and Media, Communications & Culture at Keele University. The grades to get into Keele were BBC, so I applied for a couple of foundation courses at the University of East Anglia and Oxford Brookes.
Somehow I managed to get ACC in my ALevels & was accepted into Keele. Clearly this wasn’t a well thought out plan, as I soon discovered that Keele was in the middle of nowhere, which meant that I couldn’t travel home regularly, yet alone travel to London each week for acting classes which I had hoped to sign up for 😦
My time at uni wasn’t the best, being an introvert didn’t really help much either but I felt as though I needed to stick it out. So I did and here I am just reflecting on the dream that I once had.
No matter how proud I seem to make everyone I’ll always be a failure to myself.