Goodnight?

Goodnight or would good morning be more appropriate? It’s 12:30am… way past my bedtime of 11, but there are just a few things I wanted to share and get off my chest.

Recently I haven’t been posting as much as I used to, and certainly not as much as I would like to. The blame can be placed on a lot of things such as; Jet lag, having a full-time job, etc…

The truth is, my mind is literally being stretched in so many different directions. So much so, that I am struggling to even put pen to paper. I feel as though nothing I think of writing is ever good enough, or worthy enough to share. Honestly, my drafts on here are a mess, so many unfinished blog posts that I do not have the motivation or heart to continue.

A few weeks ago I travelled to Canada & had so many ideas for different blog posts & vlogs surrounding my trip. None of which actually materialised. I have a few segments of footage floating around in my hard drive but whenever I conjure up the courage to edit, I feel as though I come across as boring on camera, I pick out features on my face that I wish I could change.

I tweeted my frustration earlier & this is a response I received from a lovely fellow blogger.

 

 

Her response really put things into perspective, there’s no need for me to be stressed or have feelings of guilt for not posting in a while. This is supposed to be a fun hobby, so why am I feeling strained?

I guess I just wanted to share this just in case anyone out there is going through the same thing as me. Take that well deserved break & come back once you have realigned yourself with the universe & what you stand for x

CBT & me

In honour of National Suicide prevention week, I’ve decided to dedicate this week’s blog post to my battle with mental health issues, and a review of the treatment I am currently receiving to help overcome this.

I’ve always known I was different, too quiet, too weird, too emotional…

I just never really took the time out to notice the negative impact this was having in my life.

January 2018 was the month that I decided to take my mental health a bit more seriously.

New year new me right?

Not exactly…

After 8 months on the waiting list, I was finally booked in to receive CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy). I had a minuscule amount of knowledge on the different types of therapy offered, due to taking a semester-long course in my first year of university. My mom (yes I spell Mom with an O as opposed to a U) is also a trained counsellor, so she was able to give me a little bit of an insight ahead of my CBT sessions.

However, this didn’t ease my mind at all. You see, I’ve never actually fully confided in anyone about my issues. On the odd occasion I did,  it was all very surface level… I just knew that no one would understand me or where I was coming from.

Skip to the present moment & I am now on my 5th session of CBT, beginning to have doubts as to whether this will be beneficial in the long run. In my first session, my therapist was quick to label me with depression & social anxiety which I thought rather unfair to those going through worse things than I. The sessions sometimes leave me feeling more down than before, mainly due to the fact that I sound ridiculous when trying to articulate thoughts & feelings into words.

One thing I have learnt so far is that we are not alone, although it may feel like that on most days, there are people ready to listen even at the times when you don’t feel like talking. I’ve been where you are, in fact, I’m still there, I can’t say that it gets better but you do learn to adapt and rid yourself from unhealthy coping mechanisms that only provide a temporary release.

With that being said, if anyone ever needs to talk just send me a message, I’m here to listen.

Life after graduation

Initially, life after uni is little awkward blip. You haven’t graduated yet so technically speaking you’re still a student.

However, once Graduation comes and goes (rather quickly), you’re left in a constant state of confusion and comparisons. As if the non stop questioning from family and friends regarding your next steps weren’t enough, your parents start to bang on about how your “age-mates” (who have also just graduated)  have managed to bag their “dream job”.

It seems like every other Facebook status is centred around new jobs and new milestones, all of which leaves you questioning when your time will come. If like me you have virtually no idea what career you’re looking for, this period of time seems to be the longest.

I remember getting rejection email after rejection email, some from Jobs I didn’t even recall applying to. It got to a point where I just gave up. I had a part time waitressing job on the side, so I picked up a few more hours there and just decided to live out the rest of my days amongst hot plates and coffee cups…This was short lived.

Customers started to ask what I was doing on the side, whether or not I was actively looking for Jobs, my future career plans. I could not escape the questions, which in some way forced me to be honest with myself and come up with a plan. (My plan included running away to a different country but we will come back to that another time haha).

I think what I wanted to say, is that just because you haven’t reached your goals or achieved certain milestones, it does not mean that some day you wont. Talking from experience it is extremely hard to overcome the comparisons but just try to remember that God’s timing is the best timing. It hasn’t happened yet because it’s not meant to. One day you’ll be able to look back and realise that the wait just made you that more appreciative of what’s to come 🙂

Day 30: List your goals for the next 30 days

My Post (3)I can’t believe its been 30 days already, well more than 30 seeing as i’ve missed so many days (sorry haha). Honestly I’ve had such an amazing time doing this challenge, although I feel like my writing hasn’t improved i’m hopeful that it will come with time.

What I’ve learnt

Taking part in this challenge was definitely an eye opener for me, although i’ve always been interested in writing i’ve never really taken it seriously as such. Over the past 30 days i’ve learnt that if I want to see any progression or improvement I need to be consistent and open to anything. There’s a lot of topics I’ve shied away from in the past due to the fear of being judges and whatnot.

However most of these questions have really forced me to be to be honest with myself. How can anyone accept me if I can’t even accept me?

Going forward

My plan is to keep utilising this blog to the best of my ability.

Although I won’t be posting everyday, I’m hoping to keep on top of my new segment ‘Tunes on a Tuesday’, I love music so I think this would be a good starting point for me. In addition to this I will be posting on Fridays also. Not 100% sure what the postings on Friday’s will be about but i’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Happy endings

Ok, so I’ve completely ignored the requirements for today’s post but I just want to say thank you to the new followers I’ve gained over the last 30 days. Here’s to the next 30  *Raises glass*

Adina

Day 27: what’s a problem have or have had in the past?

I would say that a problem I have had & still have to a certain extent, is to do with self confidence (well the lack of).

I’ve aways been a reserved person but this was highlighted even more when I went to Uni. I found it quite hard to make friends & push myself out of my comfort zone, which in turn led to me being rather lonely.

This is probably when the self confidence issues started to creep in.

When you are alone 95% of the time, it becomes so easy to get trapped in your own head & be consumed by self destructive thoughts.

There would be times where I wouldn’t leave my room for days due to crippling social anxiety & the fear of being judged on my appearance.

I still find it quite hard to socialise with people, especially those I don’t know but I’m not as bad as I used to be.

Adina